Now, to put my own advice into action. The hardest thing.

On a brighter note, my husband and I have moved into our first house, the baby's room is painted, and I like my job. The only problem with my job is that I've been delivering pizza for a year and a half and haven't managed to get any more than twenty or so hours. Delivering pizza isn't a real job. I'm replaceable, as I have been at every job I've had since I was fifteen. Anyone can deliver pizza. But it's comfortable, I average ten dollars an hour, and don't have to work too many hours each night. But, I keep thinking I need some sort of trade, some sort of skill to hold me over until I finally finish college and am able to teach (if there are any teaching jobs left after that.)

I'm twenty-two years old, married, with two step-children, and a surprise birth control baby on the way.

Due to a rather unfortunate situation with my former apartment complex (faux eviction notice, followed by claims that I'd broken my lease after I obeyed and vacated) I am now living with my parents, with my husband and step daughter. I forget the social term for this type of living situation, but it seems to be growing more common as more and more low-income families are pushed out of their homes.

People my age are graduating all over the place, glowing Facebook photos holding props for Bachelor's degrees while they wait on the real thing in the mail. Naturally this makes me feel as thought I should be graduated by now. What gives them the upper hand over me, I wonder? Did their parents support them financially through college? I seem to have missed that window by getting engaged to a man with children. 

I'm happy for my peers, I am not trying to be hateful, I just wonder what it is in me that hasn't been able to get up every day, every semester and knock the classes out.

Bills. Our inevitable enemy. Thief of the energy I feel I would have were it not for over-time and over-due statements. I cannot comprehend how anyone my age has been able to work full time and attend school full time. Perhaps they have only themselves to worry about, or room mates to split the rent with. 

In a partnership I've found there's no splitting of rent. You just pay what you can, and everything you obtain goes towards existing. 

I just feel as though I should have more for my family than a good work ethic. I imagined my life a certain way once I was married and expecting a child (I've always wanted to be a mom.) Where do I go from here? I imagined myself done with college, simply having gone for the love of literature, staying home with the babies and writing.